Sacrifices

You read all about the sacrifices that one must make as they enter into motherhood. For what I have gotten in return, I don't feel like I have had to sacrifice anything that was too hard to give up. Of course, this is easy to say now that I am past the intitial four months of no sleep. Now that Taj is talking, giggling, playing, and turning I feel like I can finally exhale! The HUGE amount of anxiety that has plaqued me everyday since I gave birth is finally fleeting. I feel a bit of freedom knocking at my door  - So what now?

Yes, there are certain things I cannot do any longer but I am done morning the loss of my independence.  I have learned to look at life with a new approach. I am starting to really focus on tradeoffs. For the past month, I have been dying to bake again and get my hands dirty in the kitchen. While I am no fan of coming home and preparing dinner every night, I do LOVE to bake. I love baking breads, muffins, cakes etc.  With this little one, it has been difficult to stop and enjoy those things I once loved with so many other things I could be doing. Things like dusting, vacuuming, organizing, mopping etc etc. Yesterday I finally decided that for the sake of mental health, I was going to have to bake in the middle of disarray. I prepared some delicious baby veggie soup for Taj and then I dusted off my kitchenaid mixer.  I baked the tastiest little doughnut muffins and all the while, my carpet was covered with a thin layer of dog hair and there were piles of laundry in the dining room.

It is hard getting used to the idea that I might never be the housekeeper that my mother was. That more often than not, if you stop by my house, there will probably be a few tumbleweeds of dog hair rolling around and some dishes in the sink. I have finally let go of this notion that every Saturday morning should be spent cleaning. Now, I certainly don't intend for my house to be filthy all of the time, but it feels great to entertain the idea that on some days, among the chaos, we can still laugh, love, and BAKE!